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there is a rock in a stream

that the river passes by

but it won’t wear down, no it won’t wear down

though the water swirls around

pushing, cresting o’er it’s crown

it just won’t wear down, no it won’t wear down

through the ice and the rain

and the sun beating down

that rock won’t wear down, it just won’t wear down

it’s gonna take a lightning bolt

or the healing hand of God

to make that rock wear down,

please make it wear on down.

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darkness, all-consuming

sadness drowns the inner rock that is my heart,

the softness of a forgotten sweater,

the smell of half a lipstick left behind,

all remind me of you.

and I can’t seem to move on

can’t seem to go on

day by day, dragging myself through life

grabbing desperately for a sliver of happiness that only reminds me of the pain yet to rise its ugly head at any unbidden moment.

hands that will never stroke my hair again

a stocking that will never be filled again

everything has changed.

even your love as moved on to another life.

and still I am here

caught in a never ending downpour of tears that never fall,

and a goodbye that cannot be said.

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there are times when I feel

life is passing me by

i sit and watch it pass

like i’m already in that rocking chair

acting like i’ve already

given in

given up

given over all my glory days

like i’m locked inside myself

knowing i’m the only one with access

to the inside zipper

just pull, i tell myself

too tired, i answer back

JUST PULL, i yell inside

too scared, i answer back

it’s the inner fight, the inner demons

that keep us weighed down, pre-mummified,

mired in our own muck

held back by our inner wars

you only get to play the game once

you’d better play and love with all your might

fight for your freedom,

fight for your life

for life

is passing you by

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Every day is judgment day
It sucks to never win
In the eyes of those I love the most
My patience is running thin
Constant questioning of choices I make
Everything comes out like it’s all mistakes
Never enough
Never approved
Love has conditions and too many rules
Breaking the tapes is an ongoing chore
Cause one in my life only lives to make more
Judgment day is every day
Turning my back on the guilty one
To save myself from a similar fate
I will have to choose to move on.

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at times my mind can’t satisfy

the yearnings of my troubled heart

and so my imaginations take flight

in search of a place that only

my mind can supply

soaring high above the trees

my heart takes over to guide me

drift away, let my soul drift away

take me out of these blues

back into better days with you

I drift away, even though I know I can’t stay

I’d rather spend a moment in a fantasy

than forever never feeling the truth

and tho it breaks my heart again and again

my love will always drift away to you

second chances will never come

looking back i only see a bitter sun

knowing choices will rue the day

and a white knight will never come to save my day

so I turn to what I know will get me through

another lonely day day spent without you

drift away, let my soul drift away

take me out of these blues

back into better days with you

I drift away, even though I know I can’t stay

I’d rather spend a moment in a fantasy

than forever never feeling the truth

and tho it breaks my heart again and again

my love will always drift away to you

I can’t sail with broken wings

And I can’t build on broken dreams

nothing left now but a life on hold in time

living vicariously through another’s rhyme

drift away, let my soul drift away

take me out of these blues

back into better days with you

I drift away, even though I know I can’t stay

I’d rather spend a moment in a fantasy

than forever never feeling the truth

tho it breaks my heart again and again

my love will always drift away to you

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each morning my feet drag behind my head

by noon the remainder of the day I dread

each evening i hate for the day to end

knowing that tomorrow it will all begin again

wrong path!  wrong path!

the symptoms echo the signs in my way

take note!  take note!

my attention is so very hard to sway

how long will it take me to see

the path I’m on is not the right one for me

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What do you do when you feel like screaming?

When one more moment in the space you are occupying

has you imploding

inner bricks collapsing on themselves

numbing the outside to your inner self

watching the destruction on a daily basis

dreading the voices, sick of the faces

knowing you’re facing what can’t be ended

no healing in sight for the troubled mind

it all rests on your too wide shoulders

but even Atlas shrugged

and your world will fall and crumble

and there won’t be anyone to help you clean it up

put it right

prepare for the fight

try to survive the ‘no end in sight’

don’t forget to breathe both in and out

understand that no one knows what you are really about

and shuffle along to your inner song

until freedom comes along

what do you do?

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Micro-sites and media buys

Are they the devil in disguise

Is this really what society buys

Or are we just selling out for the very last time

Requesting content, more information

Filling our minds with a guilt sensation

To give away our time for one another

Or is it just a dance with smoke and mirrors

Hiding the truth behind the soul deliverers

You really want my heart or my deposit number

Why are we gathering, when souls are suffering

Please tell me how we make a difference by tweeting

Drops in an ocean can’t be seen

It takes more than a media machine

To make a change in this world, start with believing

And walk the walk you’ve spent all your time talking

Another sound bite, another text

This social media forces my neglect

Of what my personal truth defines

Final release of the light divine

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Ah, it’s been a while since I wrote any drivle, no, I mean drivval, no wait, I mean (crap how do you spell this darn word!)..okay, drivel.  hmmm, looks wrong but spell check says it’s right.  Speaking of nonsense!  To explain my title today - it pertains to several aspects right now.

1. too little exercise for too long of a time, maybe getting my butt back in a tu-tu will help?

2. too little edits on a short story I recently read causing too long of a time to figure out what’s being said behind the typos equals…can’t think of anything to go with the tu-tu for this one!

I sincerely hate typos in books and I’ve noticed a lot in ebooks lately.  Are the sditors for ebooks just lazy or do they not care?  I’ve seriously considered offering myself as an online editor just so I can catch typos for authors so their books come across as more professional, not to mention enjoyed more because you don’t have to waste time deciphering what they meant or mentally fixing the grammatical errors.

okay, that’s my rant for the day.  It’s Father’s Day weekend and I guess I really should be expounding upon my Dad here. 

So,  love you dad, even if my time with you growing up was too little, the time you’ve been grumpy has been too long…maybe you should wear a tu-tu to make yourself laugh at yourself and lighten up already! :0)

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Swirling clouds of color behind my lids

Strange visions of grandeur and clouds of mist

who is that man with the dark curly hair and beard, wearing bunny ears and smoking a hookah?  he fades into the background, unknown.

why am i suddenly remembering moments from 30 years before, things long forgotton, things that didn’t matter? like a card catalog spilled over onto the floor, white shards of memories splayed out in random order.

nerves standing on edge, every sound expanded, every hair rises and waves in the effervescent wind of my steroid-induced imagination.

no sleep will come.  all in tune so the air inside plays Claire de Lune.  soft and sweet and no staccato to be found.

and still my mind races, my ears lean toward every sound, every nuance of movement i can see and feel, whether intended or not. 

if only i could truly listen and hear the world turning, perhaps it would all be worthwhile, this state of exaggeration.

moments tick by, turning to minutes, to hours, to the incessant beep of the alarm clock telling me to get up and start another day.

and still…i yearn for sleep, again.